What to do? What to do? I have 7 months till I graduate from college and I really have no clue what to do! I know two things that will happen in May for sure other than graduate. First I turn 22 on May 20th and second I get married to my best friend, Andrew. Now all that sounds great and it is but one major thing will happen also in May and it can be either great or not so great! After graduation, my future will be uncertain and that is one scary thing. Will I be able to find work? Will I be able to do whatever it is I love? I mean so many questions and yet they still remained unanswered. I can ask everyone in the world and no one can tell me. The unexpected is the expected but nevertheless unexpected if you get what I am saying!
So yes I am scared out of my mind because there is no way I can predict the future but I also know that God's got it covered. That's a hard concept to grasp in itself. To actually take comfort in it is totally different as well. I can say it all day long "God is in control" but at the end of the day I have to believe it for it really to make any difference in my life.
I think my biggest fear is not knowing what I want to do. I really want to do something that I love and I feel called to do. But how am I supposed to find that out? How am I supposed to find my calling at the age 21? I don't want to go to a job that I hate every day....I have absolutely no motivation to do that.....I think I would probably end up quiting a job like that. Part of me doesn't even want to get a career because Im scared Ill fail or Ill be all about the world and not about the things that truly matter.
Another fear that Ive recently encountered is the idea of becoming a full fledged adult. I mean I am going to have to pay bills, get a "real" job as Andrew calls it, possibly have kids in the future, take care of a husband and a house, and still try to be me in the midst of it all. Right now looking at it, it seems dang near impossible. How am I suppossed to be all of that and more? These questions haunt me day in and day out! And I find the only thing that comforts me is knowing that God IS in control. I may feel unprepared or ill equipt or even inadequate but I know one thing is for sure HE is in control. Yes I am still scared but I am also hopeful!
"I can do all things through Christ who strenghtens me" Phillippians 4:13
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